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New year, new decade …

Dear Diary:

New year, new decade … new resolutions. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. I don’t do resolutions – at least not the way everyone else does them. I’ve decided to only make resolutions I know I can’t keep.


For example, in 2020 I won’t roll my eyes when the lady at the next table keeps asking her server, “Is this Gluten-free?” every two minutes … especially when we’re sitting in restaurant named, “Nothin’ But Gluten.”


When Cooper comes home from a date forty seconds past curfew, I promise not to send out SWAT teams, drone units, the FBI, or state police with APBs looking for him.


And finally, I vow to gain enough weight (at least 500 lbs.) to get my own show on the TLC network. 


Breaking those resolutions should keep me busy, at least until March when Cooper comes home once again, on Spring Break.


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