Remember, formal occasions are really just informal ones with uncomfortable clothes.
I stepped on my talking scale and it told me to come back when I'm alone.
I don't mind being hit by Cupid's arrow, as long as the tip was dipped in Botox.
Winter has been so cold, my breasts froze to my knees.
I thought I was getting a terrific suntan, but it turned out my liver spot had just grown.
It's inconsiderate that Memorial Day kicks off the unofficial outdoor barbecue season, but never includes a tribute to Joan of Arc.
She's kissed so many sailors, her lips go in and out with the tide.