Lies My Mother Told Me: Tall Tales from a Short Woman

“When you’re invited to a dinner party, you should always be prepared with three good stories to tell.”
-Joan Rivers

But my mother never said those stories had to be true….

Welcome to the official website of mother, TV Producer, Red Carpet Fashion Expert & New York Times Best Selling Author Melissa Rivers.

Melissa Rivers | Group Text

Group Text with Melissa Rivers

New Episodes Weekly!

Melissa’s podcast where she shares whatever she and her friends are texting about…this includes everything from fashion on the Red Carpet and the annoying number of “reboots,” to being an empty nester and so much more. Hear unvarnished truths from some of the funniest and best in the business. You won’t want to miss this!

#JoansJokes

Remember, formal occasions are really just informal ones with uncomfortable clothes.

ENTERTAINING

I stepped on my talking scale and it told me to come back when I’m alone.

DIETING

I don’t mind being hit by Cupid’s arrow, as long as the tip was dipped in Botox.

VALENTINE’S DAY

Winter has been so cold, my breasts froze to my knees.

WINTER

I thought I was getting a terrific suntan, but it turned out my liver spot had just grown.

SUMMER

It’s inconsiderate that Memorial Day kicks off the unofficial outdoor barbecue season, but never includes a tribute to Joan of Arc.

SUMMER

She’s kissed so many sailors, her lips go in and out with the tide.

FLEET WEEK

Latest News

I’ve never felt safer than when I’m in your arms. ...

7668 453

Congrats on an exceptional run on @qvc @marybethroefans. My mother adored you and of course so do I! You will be so missed and I’m so grateful to know you. ...

2453 79

Today on an all new #grouptext. I am telling you all about my wedding. No I didn’t pull a “Runaway Bride,” but I was terrified. I filmed this right before tying the knot over the weekend and I give you all the scoop in this solo episode. Click the link in bio now to listen. ...

2134 139

My mother was always happy on stage, making people laugh and laughing with them.

Many ask if she’d be able to say half the things she used to say today. What do you think?
...

3914 313

Who needs Ozempic. ...

947 22

Zoomed through the weekend like…

Also Happy St. Patrick’s Day for all who celebrate.
...

385 11

I guess I should be grateful that at least he was trying to learn something. ...

9841 282