Lies My Mother Told Me: Tall Tales from a Short Woman

“When you’re invited to a dinner party, you should always be prepared with three good stories to tell.”
-Joan Rivers

But my mother never said those stories had to be true….

Welcome to the official website of mother, TV Producer, Red Carpet Fashion Expert & New York Times Best Selling Author Melissa Rivers.

Melissa Rivers | Group Text

Group Text with Melissa Rivers

New Episodes Weekly!

Melissa’s podcast where she shares whatever she and her friends are texting about…this includes everything from fashion on the Red Carpet and the annoying number of “reboots,” to being an empty nester and so much more. Hear unvarnished truths from some of the funniest and best in the business. You won’t want to miss this!

#JoansJokes

Remember, formal occasions are really just informal ones with uncomfortable clothes.

ENTERTAINING

I stepped on my talking scale and it told me to come back when I’m alone.

DIETING

I don’t mind being hit by Cupid’s arrow, as long as the tip was dipped in Botox.

VALENTINE’S DAY

Winter has been so cold, my breasts froze to my knees.

WINTER

I thought I was getting a terrific suntan, but it turned out my liver spot had just grown.

SUMMER

It’s inconsiderate that Memorial Day kicks off the unofficial outdoor barbecue season, but never includes a tribute to Joan of Arc.

SUMMER

She’s kissed so many sailors, her lips go in and out with the tide.

FLEET WEEK

Latest News

The Chrisleys are back (yes, really).

On #GroupText I chat with powerhouse EPs Jesse Daniels & Farnaz Farjam of @bunimmurray about the new show, what fans can expect, and the behind-the-scenes tea.

Link in bio TOMORROW!
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ICYMI:

OG Vanderpump fans, this one’s for you. @scheana joins me on #grouptext to talk about life after Vanderpump Rules, her new adventures on The Valley, and yes, ALL the tea you’ve been waiting for.

Trust me, you don’t want to miss this one.

Click the link in bio now or watch the full conversation on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
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Traveling sucks.

Why do you think it’s become so awful?
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OG Vanderpump fans, this one’s for you. @scheana joins me on #grouptext to talk about life after Vanderpump Rules, her new adventures on The Valley, and yes, ALL the tea you’ve been waiting for.

Trust me, you don’t want to miss this one.

Click the link in bio now or watch the full conversation on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
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Tomorrow on #grouptext @scheana tells it all!

You won’t want to miss it.
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Beyond unnecessary

Where are my fellow gen xers?
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70,000 joke cards are now on display in my mother’s filing cabinets at the @ntlcomedycenter

Thank you to my team @slmnla_28 and @grahamreedjones for their incredible work and to the National Comedy Center team for preserving these cards, which are on permanent loan and in display now!

Special thanks to @kellycarlinishere for speaking at the ribbon cutting. Kids of comedians have a special bond and I’m so glad I’ve had a chance to get to know you.

I highly recommend a trip to the center to support this organization. Comedy and the arts need more support now more than ever.
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