One More Thing …

One More Thing …

Oh, one more thing about the flight home from New York. The MAGA guy sitting next to me was an upgrade to First Class. He had enough Frequent Flyer miles that he could move up from coach, and guzzle beer and burp in the company of appropriately-dressed people who paid full-fare.


Look, I have nothing against mileage upgrades; I love a good upgrade more than my dog loves licking his crotch. Which is a lot. But if you are lucky enough to get the upgrade there should be rules you have to follow:

  • No bare feet. I don’t want to look at your disgusting, unclipped toenails. Hint: They give you complimentary socks in first class for a reason. Wear them.
  • Do not try and steal the noise-cancelling headphones. They count them before they let you off the plane. It can be very embarrassing to get caught, and have the flight attendant pull them out of your carrying on. So I’ve HEARD.
  • When picking your meal don’t make special requests; they don’t do that. It’s an airplane; it’s Southwest, not Spago. The don’t care about your dietary restrictions. If you don’t want mushrooms on your food, scrape them off yourself. # I love upgrades!

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